incapable

I'm incapable of love, I'm incapable of friends.

I'm incapable of help, I'm incapable of change

I'm incapable of improvement, I'm incapable of amends.

I'm incapable of normal, I'm incapable of not feeling strange.

I'm incapable of health, I'm incapable of goals.

I'm incapable of relationships, I'm capable of romance.

I'm incapable of competitions, I'm incapable of control.

I'm incapable of happiness, I'm incapable of a second chance.

I'm incapable of forgiving, I'm incapable of forgetting.

I'm incapable of the future, I'm incapable of the present.

I'm incapable of reality, I'm incapable of unregretting.

I'm incapable of relaxing, I'm incapable of relent

I'm incapable of saying yes, I'm incapable of saying no.

I'm incapable of living, I'm incapable of being on teams.

I'm incapable of feeling accepted, I'm Incapable to grow.

I'm incapable of being nice, I'm incapable of my dreams.

I'm incapable of letting go, I'm incapable of kicking down my walls.

I'm incapable of not being lonely, I'm incapable of letting someone in.

I'm incapable of not hurting, I'm incapable of making calls.

I'm incapable of real life, I'm Incapable to win.

I'm incapable of life, I'm incapable of everything.

I'm incapable of not being emotional, I'm Incapable to be free.

I'm incapable of being alone, I'm Incapable to sing.

I'm incapable of being around others, I'm incapable of ME.

part 12 of 30 days of gratitude challenge

part 12: what texture are you grateful for?.

i guess the only texture i can think of is this beautiful green long grass in my backyard.


as I stand on my balcony feeling the gentle wind in my hair and on my cheek I notice some long grass

 next to a house that is currently being build and this spot of grass is long and dark and I guess it's a

hard spot to mow ,personally i hope they never will be able to mow it because to me it is beautiful

 when the wind goes through it I feel as if I'm floating at the bottom of the ocean.

there is nothing but me and this beautiful long dark flowy green grass that dances in the ocean and I

don't feel anything but peacefulness and beauty as I'm drowning.

Part 13 of 31 day photo challenge

part 13: Nature.

part 11 of 30 days of gratitude challenge

part 11: what holiday are you grateful for?


my favourite holiday is Christmas.

it's such a wonderfully magical time, my family has never been very religious in the traditional way.

my mom has always said that she felt that Christmas time has nothing to do with Christianity but it's a celebration of lights.

for me, I like the way that on Christmas day everything is so quiet so white and so peaceful feels like a vacation from worries and fears and violence in the world.

peace on earth for one day a year.

we have lots of traditions that I would like to keep alive but our family feels like its shrinking to me.

my sisters have a family of their own and so does my mom now and even though my parents are good friends I would like it to be easier to spend time with both of them and their partner's at the same time and place

I've always wanted us to be able to be together as a family I don't understand why that has to be so difficult why is it so hard for us all to be together I know they all have a life, friends of their own family but they are my only family and they are my life, since i was a child it has been sort of easy to feel neglected and unwanted even though that's not the intention at all but in the end I always seem to end up alone...

I just wish that life could be a little easier.

I love Christmas it's my favourite time of year I think maybe I like it so much because I always get nostalgia flashback feelings kind of like feeling the exact same feeling I felt before ...in a way time travelling if that makes sense.

Christmas time is a happy time it makes me feel good in a place where I need it, in my heart... I feel like the Grinch:´) my heart grows on Christmas time, not in a way that's generosity or sympathy because I have plenty of that all the time what I feel on Christmas is something that I need in my heart rest of the year and that is not feeling alone.

Part 12 of 31 day photo challenge

part 12: portrait.

part 10 of 30 days of gratitude challenge

part 10: what taste are you grateful for?.



after being quite broke for some time I have been learning to not waste any ingredients that I have in my kitchen.

like for example, I made a pizza with just some greek yoghurt, flour, ketchup and the rest of the cheese and ham that I found in the fridge topped with some season allspice, very yummy.

I have been using every drop of every container's, not wasting anything to make anything...

and the day before yesterday I made a wonderful cake that I used some floss to cut in half, really works!.

and put some chocolate creme on it, it was my old friend Betty Crocker:).

I used to spend a lot of time in the kitchen with Betty when I was 10 years old, we had fun.

and I made some chicken soup, meaning Mexican, tomato chilly soup with chicken in it and creme topped off with some chips and sour creme, really good and I also had dessert witch was my Betty Crocker devils food cake mix, it was so good.

especially the next day I had more cake and by then it was so moist in the middle and that is a taste I am very grateful for these days.

after being broke, I've been very creative, which has been a lot of fun and I feel like I got my reward for being such a ''sport'' with that taste of a moist devils food cake with whipped cream.

it was yummers ;)

Part 11 of 31 day photo challenge

part 11: landscape.

part 9 of 30 days of gratitude challege

part 9: what place are you grateful for?.


YOUR HOME IS YOUR SANCTUARY. TAKE CARE OF THIS AND YOUR LIFE BECOMES ALL THAT YOU WISH IT TO BE.

There is a place that I am very grateful for and it's my home, my happy place, my sanctuary.
I've never had a home that I felt happy at, before this new home of mine, I can actually feel it making me the person that I always wanted to be.
The person that I am on the inside, she's coming out on the surface as well because of my home.
I'm doing things I've never done before and in many ways they are normal things that normal people wouldn't feel as were different but for me they are, I have suffered from severe depression since I was 12 years old, so severe in fact that sometimes I have wondered if I'm bipolar and I've also suffered from anxiety disorder, I have never lived a normal life, I have many so-called pasts life's in just one life  that I call my past, all of my chapters..
I have had over 30 different addresses before moving out of my parent's place moved from towns and countries, and changed 12-15 different schools before the age of 18.
Not a lot of people know that. sometimes I wonder if I had let some people from my past know some of this then they might not have assumed that I was lazy and stupid, but no it was their decision to make up their own version of my life instead of asking me...
Anyways through all of this, I have never had a place that I felt i could call ''home''.
But now I am in charge, I'm an adult, now I have a home and I'm completely allowed to feel as if I'm finally home.
So the answer to the question of what place I am grateful for, it would be my home<3.

Part 10 og 31 day photo challenge

part 10: glass

part 2 of 30 week open letter challenge

part 2: a letter to yourself as a child.

Oh- my twitchy witchy girl, I think you are so nice,

 I give you bowls of porridge And I give you bowls of Ice Cream.

 I give you lots of kisses, And I give lots of hugs, But I never give you sandwiches With bugs in.

Hello my little darling, I miss you.

I know you never left, you just changed and grew, I really like you, you are the greatest, I mean it, you are so wonderful in every way don't forget that you are a miracle.

I know what you need and I want to give it to you, I want to give you everything you need, I want to help you with all of your problems and I want to be your hero but you know something, I have a secret .. I will be your hero you just have to be patient, just wait you'll see.

I know things are hard but you, my little darling are a champion, you are so strong, don't you forget that.

I know this world is big and scary but the so-called monsters in it aren't as scary as they'd like to believe they are, THEY SHOULD NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOU!

You should not underestimate yourself, I know its easy getting intimidated by others, but you shouldn't compare yourself to others, you are you and you are so wonderful and completely one of a kind, one in a million, no one can compare to you my darling.

I know it might be hard to believe all of this but it's true its 100% true and I have proof of it... it's me:)

I want to meet you and give you a hug and tell you that you are beautiful and smart and can grow up to be anything you want and help you to do that.

I'm sorry that I didn't realise all of this until recently.

I didn't see the light from the darkness, the darkness was too blinding.

I gave up on myself..on you, I lost the faith that you have right now. I listened to others and was persuaded into believing that I was not as smart as others or beautiful and that I could only be normal if I was as thin as the other girls.

But that was so stupid, you are beautiful and smart, I was beautiful and smart and I am beautiful and smart!

It's ridiculous that other people who didn't even have the interest to get to know me could make me feel like I was stupid, it couldn't be farther from the truth, I was probably even smarter than them but yeah I know two wrongs don't make a right.

I want to ask of you not to listen or believe others but unfortunately you will but that doesn't matter that doesn't mean that your wrong, the ones with the biggest insecurities have to pray on the ones who are the happiest with themselves and I just want you to keep that with you wherever you go in life and also don't try to reason with the insecure ones, they will never admit to defeat even when they know they've lost, the weaker ones can't do that.and you know that they are jealous of you honey which they should be you actually have the guts to be yourself, an individual and I am proud to say you'll never stop;)

Please try to keep faith alive in yourself for you know you will become you own hero.

part 8 of 30 days of gratitude

part 8: what book are you grateful for?

I've never really been a good reader until recently, just a few months ago I discovered my passion for reading.

and since then I have read a few books and I don't want this to sound childish...but...

I READ THEM ALL THE WAY THROUGH!:o

I have been reading some drama, spooky kind of books all good, but there is one book in particular that comes mind since discovering the joys of reading.

and that book is called miss peregrine's home for peculiar children, it's a famous book I would say, there was even a movie about it, it's new-ish I'm guessing either 2014 or 2016 something around that era...

I actually watched the movie first, I didn't even know about the book.

and I completely loved the movie, so much fun, it reminded me of me and my dad, we share that kind of supernatural curiosity.

and then I found out that my sister had the book and she let me borrow it, I was really surprised how quick I was reading it.
 it was the first book that I read all the way through since becoming an adult, before that I've only really read a couple of books all the way through, like cape fear, some romance novels (short)(rauða serían)and Donald duck/mickey mouse magazines and such...

I was also quite surprised by the fact of how interesting this was, I could not let it down .. I read it in 3 days, to some that might not seem like a short time but keep in mind it was the first book I read all the way through since I was a teenager...

and the special reason why I'm so grateful for this book is not only the fact that it is the book that started my passion of reading but also the story, it was so incredibly fascinating and it also reminded me of myself when I was a little girl, I used to believe in time loops just like the ones in the story, I used to believe that there were time loops in rain puddles and I would always smile while walking by a clear rain puddle looking at my reflexion in the water ''knowing'' that it wasn't me, I mean it was me but in a time loop or an alternative universe and sometimes I would speak to this ''other'' me.

I like that memory:)

anyways that is the reason why miss peregrine's home for peculiar children is the book I am most grateful for and I really recommend reading it and not only'' reading'' it, experience it if that makes any sense what so ever, just lose yourself in this wonderful story because it feels great.

part 9 of 31 day photo challenge

part 9: pop culture.


I found this picture on Pinterest and I like it because of what it represents, what is beautiful on the outside and poisonous on the inside, you can't only trust the cover of a book, you have to flip through the pages to get the real ''picture''.

Part 8 of 31 day photo challenge

part 8: filthy

My mind....

part 7 of 30 day gratitude challenge

part 7: what memory are you grateful for?


no amount of happiness life has to offer me can compete with the happiness I felt when I was with her.



in many ways life seems to finally be beginning for me, I seem to be starting to live a healthier ''happier'' and most importantly more normal life...

everything is happening for me my home, my life, my health and soon probably my social life as well which btw has never been right.

but I can't help feeling sad because my life before this I was lonely and unemployed and depressed sure but I was happy in my own way with one particular person in my life and I understand that most will not understand but it is my cat.

when I was in the lowest of my depression I wanted to die not because I wanted life to end but mostly because I felt as I was a burden to everyone and also I wanted bad emotions to end, today I realise emotions are like plants you have to take care of them not ignore them.

anyways at that moment when I wanted to die, I was introduced to this wonderful person that happened to be a cat we adopted I named her Bogga after myself and in many ways I've put all my good qualities in her personality so everyone could finally have the Bogga they deserved ..no burden...

but I wasn't expecting that this wonderful kitty would save me from wanting to die, she made me feel loved,missed and appreciated.

and for her I've decided to try to give life another shot I moved out of my parent's place, focused on my mental health and am trying to get back in school.

and although this is all wonderful, i'm having difficulties being away from her, she's happy with my mom and shes got a lot of people in her life spoiling her and loving her.

it's just that I know I'm trying to live a normal life... I just miss her.

and she is my favourite memory that I am very grateful for.

Part 1 of 20 week photography challenge

I started a 20 week photography challenge in 2017 that I stopped doing, I’ve decided to finally continue with it 🤗
This is part 1 ..again : self portrait.

Part 7 of 31 day photo challenge

part 7: clean

part 6 of 30 day gratitude challenge

part 6: what in nature are you grateful for?.

I've recently moved into a new apartment which is the most beautiful and real apartment i have ever had the privilege to call my home.

I know my previous homes definitely don't qualify as a home, there have been 3 places I've lived after moving out of my parent's place which is nr 1: my sister's place. nr 2: an old storage room that was remodelled to be a studio room. nr 3 a garage.

so yes this really is my very first real home, and I am in love with it,  I LOVE MY HOME!

I've never loved my homes before I've been afraid to feel like anywhere could be my home because of jinxing fate.

but anyways this beautiful home of mine has a beautiful balcony that I've always wanted and sure it doesn't necessarily have the view that I would have wanted, I've always loved having an ocean view but it doesn't matter because I have a view of a beautiful and magnificent mountain.

and every time i look at it, it inspires me to do something, I don't quite know what but I want to suddenly live life because of this magnificent mountain it's so beautiful and I just want to climb it.so yes I am very grateful for this wonderful mountain that inspires me to wake up and live.

Part 6 of 31 day photo challenge

part 6: texture.

part 5 of 30 days of gratitude challenge

part 5 : what sound are you thankful for.

I am very thankful for the music I play on Spotify, the playlists I listen to aren't necessarily something that I would always listen to if I'm just listening to music because its just cheesy pop hits from the early 2000s but I like it because it motivates me and time goes by quicker when I need it to.

I feel good and happy for a moment and sing my heart out because I know the lyrics.

I really do not have a singing voice and it sort of hurts to hear when I sing a high note but it sort of also hurts my feelings because ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to be able to sing.

singing makes me feel happy and sometimes I just want to lose myself in the moment and forget about the fact I don't have a singing voice because I feel good for a moment.

Part 5 of 31 day photo challenge

part 5 : DARK.

day 4 of 30 days of gratitude

part 4 of 30 days of gratitude: what food are you most grateful for?



I've recently started having some troubles financially so I haven't been able to order out as much as I've been able to do before or go out to eat.

I've only been able to go to the same store which is bónus, Iceland's most affordable supermarket which i am very thankful for, it has really been there for me in my hour of need.

and so I've had a very tight budget and I've never really ever had a budget before, usually, I've lived my life very recklessly and in no surprise, i am now broke...:/

so the answer to the question of what food I am most thankful for these days have to be flour, sugar and eggs, very basic foods that I've always thought you should have at your home but since becoming an adult I've sort of forgotten about them and shopped recklessly.

now that I have less money I am very thankful for those basic foods that I will always have in my home, they really come in handy on a low budget, you can make anything with them and it certainly makes me feel much happier than take outs or restaurant foods ever did.

monday blues

I'm a poor unfortunate woman, in pain in need.

no one knows how to help me nor do i and I just want to be freed.



will it just go on forever, will it never stop.

for I'm about to explode , I'm about to pop.



there's an error in me.

my mind is puzzling.

should I just let me be.

because I am malfunctioning.



have I stopped trying or have I had enough.

I want to try to do something, but I wish it weren't so tough.



here I sit in the emptiness and darkness of my mind.

and the silence is destroying me.

life is so unbearable that it's making me blind.

must keep sleeping dreaming that I am free.